Amazing...
I went clubbing at Prive last night. My friend (aged 37) and I had a rather interesting conversation.
Him: "Do you know that I have actually met you five years ago at Red Rock's. You were with your then boyfriend."
Me: "Really? I don't remember at all. It might not be me."
Him: "I am sure that was you. You were very youthful, very sexy and pretty, that's why you left me with a strong impression. You are what now, 35? 36?"
Me: "I am only 31."
Him: "You are still so young! You should wear more skirts and be more feminine. Flaunt what you still have."
Me: "Do you think I look masculine?"
Him: "A little bit."
For the next twenty minutes, he tried his best to explain why I need to wear skirts and not to 'waste' myself, blah blah blah. I tried to explain to him why I'd stop wearing mini-skirts to clubbing, although I don't think he understood me at all. I gave up in the end but I think I owe it to myself the following justification.
First of all, I do still wear mini-skirts, just depending on the venue and my mood. Even when I don't, I still dress up when I go out. I wear perfect make-up, three-inched high heels, dangling earrings, low-cut/tank top that reveal the curviture of my breasts and toned arms. I would never go out looking plain, dull or "masculine". I like what I see in the mirror. It is important for a woman to like what she sees in the mirror. Call me narcissistic, but I think I am attractive and I have a good figure. I also know that a lot of men feel the same. I have no problem getting as many men as I want if i want to, but I chose not to.
I don't understand why my friend thinks I am being too 'reserved' and 保守because I don't wear mini-skirts. I guess he is just a man, and men get very ignorant when it comes to women. When I show off my legs, I am showing 70% of my body; hence, the more 'meat' they see, the sexier I become, and the more turned on they get. The more, the merrier.
When men look at women in mini-skirts or low-cut tops, they won't just say to themselves: "She has nice breasts and legs" in a pure aesthetic way; there is always a sexual tension underneath. When guys stare at my body, I can often read: "I wanna shag you" in his eyes, not "I appreciate your breasts, they are God's gift". I am quite sure that I am not wrong in my analysis.
Coming back to the reasons as to why I stop wearing mini-skirts to clubbing - it is not because I am lazy or masculine or that I don't care about my appearance. Here are the reasons:
1. When I wear skirts to clubbing, I get drinks spilled all over my legs by drunkards;
2. I get perverts coming up to me, and some even 'accidentally' squeeze my butt and thighs. Something similiar happened when I was only wearing a tight tank top last Saturday. It's not like I have a boyfriend to protect me from getting molested;
3. I have passed the age of trying to impress people with my looks. I go there to have fun, not to have sex. I don't need that much attention from guys.
The first time when my friend saw me, I should be around 27. I am 31 now. Apart from having gained some weight, I don't think I look any different. I actually think I look a lot more healthier now. When I was 27, I tried very hard to impress men with my looks, because I didn't have anything else to offer. I dressed in ways that I knew would get guys' attention and approval. I could only find security when men find me sexy, pretty or whatever. In fact, it didn't bother me that they only liked me for my looks. I just wanted to be accepted. I was shallow.
Over the years, I have grown a lot more wiser. I have learned that beauty is really just skin deep. Whilst it is good to be attractive, true beauty is what is inside our mind, and that is the one that will last forever. Of course I can put on a mini-skirt next week (and run the risk of being molested again), and people will probably call me sexy, but is that the only thing I have? Should I be appreciated more for my legs and not my brains?
Anyway, maybe I am thinking too much. I just don't like to be told that I should wear this and that in order to make myself look sexier (hence, more available). I like myself the way that I am, inside out. If a woman needs to expose her body just to look sexy, that is very sad. I find my own sexiness in my eyes, my hair, my brains, my heart, my words, my blush, just as I can see the sexiness in everyone of you without you having to strip. Isn't that all that we need?
Interesting enough, I read the following article today from an interview with Yohji Yamamoto:
Yohji ： 剛 開 始 做 服 裝 時 ， 我 所 想 要 的 就 是 讓 女 人 穿 男 人 的 衣 服 。 我 冒 出 了 為 女 人 設 計 外 套 的 想 法 ， 對 我 來 說 ， 這 意 味 
： 外 套 保 護 並 裹 藏 了 女 人 的 身 體 ， 在 我 看 來 ， 融 入 工 作 中 ， 不 在 乎 是 否 博 得 其 他 人 好 感 ， 堅 強 卻 又 細 膩 的 女 性 在 本 質 上 更 具 吸 引 力 。 她 隱 藏 的 越 多 ， 放 棄 的 女 性 特 徵 越 多 ， 從 她 內 心 顯 現 出 來 的 特 質 也 就 越 多 。 一 條 精 心 剪 裁 的 棉 質 褲 子 ， 比 華 麗 的 絲 質 晚 裝 更 美 。
女人的一生中，總有那一個。
那一個令她願意死心蹋地，附託終生的男人。她會為他變得盲目和愚蠢，甚至會一相情願地以為，他是上天賜給她的宿命。
然後，他卻會變得比任何的男人更賤更無情，狠狠地傷透她的心，叫她從失望走到灰心，再從灰心走到絕望。那一個的真面目，原來一直都很醜陋，只是自己看不見。
以淚洗臉的日子過後，女人努力地為自己築起圍牆。她把自己牢牢地困在圍城裡，讓時間慢慢地洗滌創傷，把被踐踏碎了的心，一片一片地撿起來。這種強逼性的面對現實，讓女人終於好好地看清，事情究竟是怎樣發生的。
一天一天地過去，女人變得不願意再接觸男人。那一個的失敗，真夠她受了，不容再有失。等待是最安全的。如果不是最好的一個，她寧願不要，單身也不錯呀。沒有好結果的愛情，只會把僅餘的青春也虛耗掉。女人變得現實了，精明了。
我們的一生中，總有那一個。要不是那一個的出現，我們不會真正地學懂如何保護自己，愛錫自己。
所以，如果妳已經遇到了一個教妳刻骨銘心的衰人，恭喜妳，妳已經獲得救贖了。
I saw this from the music blog comebacktolove. The webmaster says the following:
王雅文 - 夜之節拍 (1985)
作曲 : 林慕德 作詞 : 林振強
王雅文唱作歌手出道，但靚聲掩蓋個人吸引力，似學生歌唱比賽冠軍多過似歌星，加入星島全音後的《Don't Cry For Me...貝多芬》大碟力圖轉線，《夜之節拍》中的「我要跳跳跳跳跳舞」每次聽都咁惹笑，努力勁排爵士舞，但一身造型和歌曲格格不入，變成中學校際舞蹈比賽示範作。
And so I watched it. He is right - when I got to the 「我要跳跳跳跳跳舞」part, I laughed very hard.
Complete link: http://comebacktolove.blogspot.com/2008/04/blog-post_20.html
適逢香港電影節，我在上個週末一口氣看了三齣瑞典大導Ingmar Bergman的戲，星期五晚上連接地看兩了兩齣，星期六下午看了一齣。這些電影只有歐洲版的DVD，動輒要幾白塊錢一隻，還要網上訂購。所以，我在每年電影節都會把握機會，把想看的電影一口氣看光。當然也是一個人看啦，誰有閒情逸緻賠我看這種節奏緩慢的電影。
放映室在灣仔的電影藝術中心。星期六的下午，難得的陽光普照。離場的時候，我看見數個衣著古怪的年輕人站在藝術中心門外，拿着自製的宣傳單張派給途人；他們該是藝術中心的學生。在好奇心的驅使下，我向他們拿了一張傳單。傳單綠色的，非常簡漏，像當年我們唸書時為了省錢而影印的那種（Business School 除外），上面寫着：
Hong Kong Art School
Bachelor of Arts (Fine Art)
*Art Parade*
Student Workshop
他們一行數人害害羞羞的，卻自得其樂，互相替對方拍照。看到的他們儍呼呼的樣子，不禁想起自己也曾擁有一段對前景充滿盼望的歲月。唸藝術的學生有一股特別的書卷氣，別院的學生是沒有的。在香港唸藝術，古往今來都被說成是死路一條。即使現今的香港人較從前的重視藝術，前景還是不甚樂觀，能成功跳出去的人，少之有少。他們應該也明白這點，卻依然堅決地勇往直前，向理想邁進。這種坦蕩蕩的勇氣，大抵是青春獨有的權利。
倒退在倒退 兩邊街的景色飛去
不對是不對 昨天娃娃不知所去
曾經這裡屬於我 屬於我與外婆
曾經這裡屬於我 跟我的小眼淚
還給我 還我吧 如果可以吧
還給我 還我 好吧 那些舊年華
忘未了 讓記憶這刻一再
倒退又倒退 但記憶多麼的瑣碎
車裡在車裡 望向玻璃窗反映去
憑窗這個是否我 是否我笑外婆
拿手帕正在追我 想抺走小眼淚
還給我 還我吧 如果可以吧
還給我 還我 好吧
想吃粉菓 請你排排坐
一個給你 一個贈我 可記得起嗎?
娃娃歲月 還給我 還我吧
如果可以話 還給我 還我吧
從不想放下 還給我 還我吧
如果可以話 還給我 還我 好吧
那些舊年華
忘未了 在記憶 依稀記憶
請你排排坐 一起吃粉菓 一個贈你 一個給我
附錄：這篇entry寫了一整個星期，因為右手姆指的關節腫痛和加上有一道很深的paper cut，至今還沒有痊癒，但答應了朋友會將此觀後感上載，希望遲來好過冇到。
在黑色暴雨和三號風球”沅熊”的推波阻攔下，千呼萬喚的劉美君終於皇后出巡。演唱會入坐率逾九成，在八時三十分開始。
染了金髮的劉美君，身穿珠片閃閃迷你裙和五寸斗零踭出場。四十四歲的她臉色紅閏，肌肉結實，丁點兒給風霜污染過的痕迹也沒有；真的是貨真價實的人肉防腐品！打頭陣的是快歌medley "Subtropical Boy” 和歌詞很西的＜＜嬉戲號客機＞＞。當聽到"Subtropical Boy”的前奏時，前數排的信徒即站立朝聖，起舞尖叫，情緒陷入瘋狂。
歌迷平均年齡三十五以上，我算是小娃娃了！原來，她還有很多同性戀的男粉絲呢。勁歌熱舞後，劉美君喝一口水，吸一口氣，唱出當年的大熱 "Mind Made Up"。嘩嘩嘩，這還得了？歌迷的尖叫聲更變本加勵，停也停不了！
跟着便唱一連串的非大熱作品，如<<各自各精彩＞＞，＜＜膈＞＞，＜＜Give Me All Your Love Boy＞＞和＜＜清晨＞＞等。接着便是夜遊怨曲系列＜＜惆悵滄桑夜＞＞，＜＜夜已變得騷了＞＞和＜＜霓紅鳥＞＞；wet妹劉美君中年再現！
不知是否咪高峰的聲浪不夠大還是沒warm up，劉美君的嗓子顯得有點兒沙啞。唱＜＜霓紅鳥＞＞那段不停重復的chorus時，她像元辰出竅，力不從心。倒了中場，咪高峰的聲浪被調較大了，狀態明顯回勇。
換了衣服後，劉美君穿了一條像睡袍的絲質裙子，在佈景床上典來典去，唱出＜＜蠢動＞＞。接着，她走到台的另一端，在光管月亮的佈景下，唱出＜＜Man in the Moon＞＞和＜＜赤裸抱月下＞＞。再下回，劉美君搖搖曳曳地把長裙子一甩，變作了迷你裙，唱了飛機歌＜＜破例＞＞。
最敗筆的是其後那段中西合壁的"fusion"；找來了一位女古崢樂師夾色士鋒手，奏出劉美君的爵士／騷靈版本小調歌曲，如＜＜公子多情＞＞和＜＜一對舊皮鞋＞＞。色士鋒手一上台，便吹奏起Kenny G的"Dying Young"。我心想：唔係吖嗎，死啦死啦。莫說這兩首歌編得坏，當年的原裝版本我已經不喜歡，超老土呀！（還想起劉美君上勁歌演唱＜＜一對舊皮鞋＞＞時，盧海彭在背後拿着針線，扮慈父縫鞋。那時我經已看得哈哈大笑）。中西合壁的結果是不中不西，不論不類。色士鋒吹奏得像di da，我還以為自己身處香港大酒店呢。連＜＜爱是無涯＞＞也給編了進去，白白浪費了一首好歌。劉美君說編曲的是她的第一位唱片監製陳永良，樂隊領班更是他二十多歲的兒子。嗯，怪不得水平像業餘。不過，玉不啄，不成器。有機會磨練是很好的事。劉美君也真的重情重義，肯把她的第一次交給一個同樣是第一次的陳公子。
其實可能是我的偏見，我一向都不喜歡brasswind，爵士／騷靈更是可免則免。老實說，我較喜歡劉美君的曳曳歌。
幸好，中西合壁環節只有數首歌。其後，劉美君回復正常，唱出極爵士的＜＜富士山下＞＞。我不喜歡這首歌，寧願她唱同是陳奕迅的＜＜大開眼戒＞＞。她定必很喜歡＜＜富士山下＞＞，因為她在早陣子的歌迷聚會也唱了。
劉美君換衣服其間，樂隊奏出＜＜點解＞＞的電子樂前奏，頓時嘩聲四起。開口的卻是一把男聲 － 特必嘉賓林海峰是也！他唱了一段後，換了紅色珠片衫的劉美君從台下昇上，開口接唱。林海峰身穿白色閃閃珠片恤衫，和劉美君一白一紅，相映成趣。辣身舞步一致，肯定花了心思彩排過。兩個人的火花是惺惺相識的那種，搞笑成份居多。接着便各站一方，唱出新歌＜＜大開色戒＞＞。林海峰負責原裝版本的電車男rap。唱完後，林海峰二話不說便離開舞台，沒有是但噏踎低噴飯。可惜他們沒有唱出兩人的新合唱歌＜＜新浪漫＞＞。這首歌好正，林海峰做主，劉美君做個副，是＜＜午夜情＞＞和<<最後一夜>>二十多年後的part 2。
劉美君強調她也可以好乖，隨即演唱”受害者”歌曲：＜＜依依＞＞和＜＜娃娃歲月＞＞。後者的那句”還給我，還我吧，如果可以還，還給我，還我好吧，那些舊年華”真的唱得夭心夭肺，叫我的心頭酸酸的，像聽到自己在苦苦哀求。
吹水抹嘴後，劉美君一句”繼續咸濕！”，便繼續豪情，高唱玩仔歌＜＜玩玩＞＞，偷情歌＜＜事後＞＞,一夜情歌<<最後一夜>>和說書歌＜＜我估不到＞＞。我很喜歡＜＜我估不到＞＞，那種高層次的說書方式，不是現今的作詞人可以寫出來的。
舞台的另一端再次昇起。來者何人？草蜢是也！三個加起來超過一百二十多歲的中坑，對着觀眾自戀地，忘我地扭腰扭臀，妖來妖去，唱着<<So Sad>>，真要寫個服字給他們，這才叫做敬業樂業！這二十多年來，三個對生命充滿理想,乳臭未乾的小子，從當梅艷芳伴舞的草蜢仔，蛻變成香港唯一的跳舞組合班霸。雖已是老蜢，但每一次出場，仍是引來全場瘋癲。<<So Sad>> 是tailored for 關淑怡的，很Enigma feel， 劉美君並不合適。唱罷<<So Sad>>，劉美君再換衣服去，讓草蜢演唱＜＜忘情森巴舞＞＞，叫全場觀眾領解什麼是natural high。觀眾們一起聽着，一起舞着，現場的氣氛被推至最高峯。
涉場的有不甚熱門的＜＜小驚大怪＞＞，＜＜這雙眼只望你＞＞和＜＜你說是甜我說苦＞＞。在台下的觀眾梁家輝被硬扯上台，慘遭劉美君”淫辱”。梁家輝一度想離場，卻反被劉美君推回梳化上繼續污辱。他們兩個人看似大纜都扯唔埋，但其實很熟絡。梁家輝更是劉美君的音樂特輯＜＜四度空間＞＞的男主角之一 （卡士好勁的，其他的男主角還有劉德華，張學友和黎明！）。
到了”尾聲”，劉美君唱了首本名曲＜＜午夜情＞＞，然後揚長而去。安歌三分鐘後，劉美君再從台下彈出來，向樂隊成員和伯樂們說多謝。她還謝了在場的媽媽。我從沒有想到劉美君的媽媽會在場。當然，我知道她有媽媽，正如你有，我也有，大家都有一樣。只是劉美君太獨立，好像一個從外星球彈出來的個體。我很難想像她曾經有媽媽照顧，更不能想像她和她的三個子女玩耍。劉美君說，劉媽媽也是一個single mom，像她本人般，而當single mom是一件不容易的事。她說得輕鬆，沒有淚水，沒有煽情，但是語句裡的點滴心酸，觀眾們不是沒聽到的。我們便隨即報上熱烈掌聲，不只為劉媽媽，也為劉美君這一個了不起的女人。當年劉美君十八歲結婚，二十歲不到便產子，孩子生孩子；二十八歲因丈夫不忠而離婚，三十歲帶着媽媽和兒女退隱美國，然後再婚，四年前再產子。這樣崎嶇的路，試問那一個母親不為女兒心疼呢？
安歌時，劉美君唱了新歌＜＜浮花＞＞，非常怨女。我喜歡，但不會敢唱。第一句歌詞已能將我置之死地：”為了記不起我被誰尋開心，橫起心，唯有當等婚嫁極愚笨”。劉美君說希望大家開開心心地散場，所以選了輕快的＜＜一最鍾情＞＞作演唱會的閉幕曲。
我給這個演唱會7.5分。雖然沒有華麗的舞台和頂級音嚮，劉美君以歌會友，我們這群餓了十幾年的粉絲也終如願得常，看到她風華再現。有些”潮人”對我們的熱情覺得很奇怪，因為劉美君從來都不算很紅，但她就是有這種魔力，當喜歡上她，便難以自拔。喜歡她的人，都比較多愁善感和偏離。很多人只覺得劉美君是一位”雞精代言人”或”情慾歌手”，這樣想，真的很無知。她何止那麼膚淺？如果有人說喜歡劉美君很老土，我會認為他沒有品味。
遺憾的是，有很多好歌都沒有唱，包括以下：
１. ＜＜事前＞＞，＜＜多些給我那些＞＞（原名＜＜事前事後之間＞＞）：唱了＜＜事後＞＞，怎能不唱”情慾三部曲”其餘的兩首？
２.＜＜來吧＞＞：冷門快歌，講挑逗。很爽的節奏，總比＜＜嬉戲號客機>>好呀！
３.＜＜這麼那麼怎麼＞＞：當年很hit，竟然沒有唱！雖有珠玉在前，但劉美君的rhythm掌握得很好。一首開心輕快的歌。
４.＜＜最騷的夢＞＞：好sexy。
５.＜＜假裝＞＞：第一張專輯的不可少！
６.＜＜有雖知我此時情＞＞：古代二奶所寫的詩，鄧麗君原唱。當然不能拿作比較，但劉美君勝在咬字很清。
７.＜＜心魔＞＞：好正的歌詞，欲拒還迎。
８.＜＜自甘墮落＞＞：唉，怎麼可能不唱這首？這首歌是完美之作！
９.＜＜風情＞＞：很細緻，很多人都喜歡。感人和高層次的＜＜午夜情＞＞延續篇。
１０.＜＜天長地久＞＞：＜＜聽我細訴＞＞的主打歌，不知怎的，也被遺忘了。
１１.＜甜甜小公主＞＞：嘻嘻，應該很少人記得。
１２.＜＜偷窺＞＞：第一場沒唱，第二場卻跟蘇永康唱了。我很高興看了第一場，我不想看蘇永康和林憶蓮當嘉賓。
{ 林憶蓮是劉美君的中學同學，和陳慧嫻三個同唸瑪麗諾書院。最早紅的是陳慧嫻，也是現在最不得志的那位。造物弄人。劉美君的第二任丈夫，更是林憶蓮當紅娘穿的線！}
新浪漫 (with Jan Lamb)
This is one of my favorite videos on Youtube. Maximova was so graceful and lively. I have watched Nutcracker before but the Sugar Plum Fairy that I saw was nothing like Maximova.
The Sugar Plum Fairy has always meant something to me. There is a story behind it.
When I was ten years old, our school teacher made us perform a very retarded 'snowflakes' dance for the school play. The dance adopted Sugar Plum Fairy song as background music. We all played white and blue snowflakes. I was blue.
We were asked to make our own costumes from thick tissue paper, decorating them with cotton wools and wearing white tights underneath.
Our teacher, Mrs Hilary Potter, told us that the top & white tights were all we needed to wear, but of course, we all wore white shorts during the rehearsals to prevent our panties from exposing under the tights.
On the day of our performance, I realized that I had FORGOTTEN to bring my pair of shorts. Even though I told Mrs Potter about it (whilst hoping that she would mercifully exempt me from the performance and my forthcoming embarrassment), her words remained the same: "You don't need to wear shorts with this costume!"
And so I had no choice but to perform with no shorts in front of all the students, teachers and parents. Towards the end of the song, I was the second-to-last 'snowflake' to wave my hand in the air and get down on my knees. The moment that I did so, I knew that all the seniors behind my back could see my underwear under the tights. I felt that I could hear some giggling from behind. What was supposed to be a glorious moment for the snowflakes turned out to be a very embarrassing moment for me.
So here I am - everytime when I hear this song, I can see the young me, doing the same dance move, wearing a tissue top and white tights, and exposing my underwear in front of all the senior guys.
